Wednesday, September 29, 2010

And I was like, why are you so obsessed with me?

I’m Judging You: Celebrity obsessors
Really, though, this should go without saying. I don’t understand why people are so intent on keeping up with the lives of people they’ve never met. Some of the crap out there that monitors celebrities (read: tabloids) is just so sensational that I can’t believe people actually take it seriously. In fact, one of my fun games is to send pictures of all the ridiculous Brangelina/Jennifer Anniston crap back and forth with a friend of mine in Colorado and see who can come up with the best caption.
Back to the subject at hand… it’s bad enough that celebs can do stupid shit (like shoving coke up their hoo-hahs for safe keeping) and get the equivalent of a slap on the wrist, and that supposedly legitimate news sources feel compelled to report about it as if it were actual news. Talking with someone in person who tries to bring up this thing they saw about the Kardashians as an actual conversation piece (and not just something like “I deleted all of my facebook friends who insist on keeping the world up to date on the shenanigans that the Kardashians get into,” but rather “I want to keep you up to date on all the shenanigans that the Kardashians get into”) is more painful than sitting through a full episode of Jersey Shore. So don’t bring celebrity gossip up in conversation, unless of course you meet a Kardashian and become friends with her (which I don’t think will happen because I’m pretty sure they’re all a myth. Like unicorns. Or the Tea Party.)

Besides, everyone knows that judging celebrities is the cop-out version of people watching. They're captive, and there's a zero-percent chance they'll know what you're saying. Where's the fun in that? Stop watching TV and go out in public and judge people like any self-respecting person would.
Side note 1: Making fun of celebs at awards shows (mostly their outfits) is highly encouraged. Discussing what celebs had for lunch and how crazy it was that they had a PB&J sandwich on the show while you were watching and eating the same thing is not. The first one will make me laugh, and the second will make me want to hurt you.
Side note 2: The moment it becomes obvious that you care way too much about the lives of celebrities, you will be placed in the same category as this guy:

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