The title of this edition of Friday Shorts is courtesy of one of my co-workers, and is a well-founded statement. I went to a Sara Bareilles concert with said coworker and another friend last night, and the people watching up in that place was unbelievable. I guess my flair for social commentary is getting a name for itself!
Without further adieu (or is it ado? Is “ado” even a word?), here is Friday Shorts: Concert Edition!
I’m Judging You: Two girls in front of us
When we arrived at the theater, we had a great spot with an awesome view of the stage. The two girls standing ahead of us were both standing wide and had a HUGE handbag between them. They were obviously saving a spot or two, but we didn’t think it’d be a big deal.
It was.
Their friends? Gigantor the teenage beanstalk, Gigantor’s girlfriend, and at least three other girls who were my height. The friends I went to the concert with are both under 5’3’’, so yes, this was a big problem. Well, it was a problem for us at least… the girls ahead of us didn’t really seem to care. This was made obvious when one of the original two girls “thanked” us for helping them save the spots. Lame.
I’m Judging You: The now much larger group of girls in front of us
Luckily, Gigantor moved to the side, so he wasn’t an issue. The girls, however, had no sense of “personal space” (which, to be fair, isn’t uncommon at a concert with no assigned seating. Or seats in general). They also insisted on taking AT LEAST FIVE group shots at various points in the night. Gigantor took one or two for them, but the rest were done “self-portrait” style, with one girl holding the camera and attempting to capture the entire group without being able to look at the screen. This is clearly an appropriate method of picture taking when SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE. I should have photobombed the shit out of y’all when I had the chance.
I’m Judging You: Setup Crew Guy
Sir, you have what I can only describe as a reverse combover… You shaved all of your head except for a portion of the hair on top, which is kept long and looks like a thick combover. There is never a good reason for a haircut like that. Never.
Interactive Short! Impersonate the man standing next to me!
First, let’s work on appearance. Age yourself into your fifties, grow a dirtstache, and gather a posse of multicultural early twenty-somethings (this is only relevant because they were clearly not his grandkids). Next, to act like him, comb your fingers through your hair four or five times in a row, wait two minutes, then do it again. (Sidenote: Sir, yes there was a big ass fan blowing down on us to the point where half the women in the theatre looked like they were being prepped for glamour shots, but you don’t have long hair… there’s no reason for your excessive hair-combing) Also, cross your arms across your chest. Now without moving your upper arms, uncross your lower arms and clap with your hands hitting each other perfectly in line and at chest level. Feel free to do this after every song (with the crowd), after every North Carolina/The South reference (with half the crowd), and in place of laughing (with… nope, just you).
I’m Judging You: Sara Bareilles
Oh, who am I kidding? I could never judge Sara. She's one of the few artists who has both talent and an actual sense of humor. If I could think of an appropriate word that meant the opposite of "judging," I would use that.
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