Friday Shorts At The Fair!

So I pretty much failed at updating with a long post this week, but I’m not going to be a complete failure and forget to put up a Friday Shorts post!

Looks like the theme of this post is the NC State Fair. I went on Sunday (and am going again tomorrow), and the people/life watching, as you may have guessed, is phenomenal.

I’m Judging You: Listening to MP3 player in public

Not only are you in public, you’re at the fair. Surrounded by over 70,000 people. It’s not so much that I wanted to talk to you, but you’re missing out on half the experience of the fair, and I need everyone to have their ears open so that the carnies talk to them and I can sneak past without getting hollered at to “win a prize for the lovely lady” I’m walking with.

I’m Judging You: Carnival Prizes

I saw this gem at the fair, being offered as a prize:

Yes. That’s Michael Jackson. Sleep tight, kids!

I’m Judging You: High school couples

Why do all the fourteen and fifteen year old couples deem it necessary to hang out at the State Fair? And why do they always wait until I’m looking to start holding hands and making out? Seriously, it’s hard enough trying to keep my fried pecan pie down without having these images shoved into my head. Let’s save the PDA for the hot couples in their mid-twenties, okay?

Should I be Judging You? Krispy Kreme Burger
I ran out of stories already (guess I didn't have my eyes open too much?), so I'm improvising. One of the new fair foods this year is a burger that uses Krispy Kreme doughnuts as the buns. I've been repulsed at the idea of this burger for a while now, but that repulsion has turned into straight up curiousity. I think I'm gonna split one with a few other people tomorrow, just so I can say I tried it. I'll let you know if you should be judging the burger (or judging me for NOT judging the burger) next week.


Happy Friday!

“I Can’t Wait To See Your Shorts!”

The title of this edition of Friday Shorts is courtesy of one of my co-workers, and is a well-founded statement. I went to a Sara Bareilles concert with said coworker and another friend last night, and the people watching up in that place was unbelievable. I guess my flair for social commentary is getting a name for itself!

Without further adieu (or is it ado? Is “ado” even a word?), here is Friday Shorts: Concert Edition!

I’m Judging You: Two girls in front of us

When we arrived at the theater, we had a great spot with an awesome view of the stage. The two girls standing ahead of us were both standing wide and had a HUGE handbag between them. They were obviously saving a spot or two, but we didn’t think it’d be a big deal.

It was.

Their friends? Gigantor the teenage beanstalk, Gigantor’s girlfriend, and at least three other girls who were my height. The friends I went to the concert with are both under 5’3’’, so yes, this was a big problem. Well, it was a problem for us at least… the girls ahead of us didn’t really seem to care. This was made obvious when one of the original two girls “thanked” us for helping them save the spots. Lame.

I’m Judging You: The now much larger group of girls in front of us

Luckily, Gigantor moved to the side, so he wasn’t an issue. The girls, however, had no sense of “personal space” (which, to be fair, isn’t uncommon at a concert with no assigned seating. Or seats in general). They also insisted on taking AT LEAST FIVE group shots at various points in the night. Gigantor took one or two for them, but the rest were done “self-portrait” style, with one girl holding the camera and attempting to capture the entire group without being able to look at the screen.  This is clearly an appropriate method of picture taking when SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE. I should have photobombed the shit out of y’all when I had the chance.

I’m Judging You: Setup Crew Guy

Sir, you have what I can only describe as a reverse combover… You shaved all of your head except for a portion of the hair on top, which is kept long and looks like a thick combover. There is never a good reason for a haircut like that. Never.

Interactive Short! Impersonate the man standing next to me!

First, let’s work on appearance. Age yourself into your fifties, grow a dirtstache, and gather a posse of multicultural early twenty-somethings (this is only relevant because they were clearly not his grandkids). Next, to act like him, comb your fingers through your hair four or five times in a row, wait two minutes, then do it again. (Sidenote: Sir, yes there was a big ass fan blowing down on us to the point where half the women in the theatre looked like they were being prepped for glamour shots, but you don’t have long hair… there’s no reason for your excessive hair-combing) Also, cross your arms across your chest. Now without moving your upper arms, uncross your lower arms and clap with your hands hitting each other perfectly in line and at chest level. Feel free to do this after every song (with the crowd), after every North Carolina/The South reference (with half the crowd), and in place of laughing (with… nope, just you).

I’m Judging You: Sara Bareilles

Oh, who am I kidding? I could never judge Sara. She's one of the few artists who has both talent and an actual sense of humor. If I could think of an appropriate word that meant the opposite of "judging," I would use that.

Bustin' out them shorts!

So I've been pretty bad as of late with the blog. I'll try and get better! Anyway, I have a bunch of short judgements that I've been meaning to post, so I'm going to do some now and save others for the normal Friday Shorts segment.

I'm judging you: Guy in lunch line
So, we all understand that you were talking to the woman behind you, and then got carried away in conversation with the woman in front of you while the woman behind you decided to leave the line in search of better foods. What we don't understand is why, upon turning around, making a statement to my coworker as if she were the original woman, and realizing that she wasn't who you thought she was, did you decide to continue attempting to engage my coworker in something barely passable as banter? You win the "awkward award," sir, so congrats!

I'm judging you: Guy driving with the top down
I'm driving to work at 7:15 in the morning. My car is saying it's a few degrees below 50 outside. Why, then, do I see you driving around with your convertible's top down? You look like you're in your mid-40's, you should know better. And if this is your "mid-crisis" car, you really need to do better. It looked more like what Oldsmobile would make if they were still around and in the convertible business.

I'm judging you: Breast Cancer Awareness Facebook campaign
Last year, whoever came up with the meme had it right... the whole point was to spread breast cancer awareness, and the closest thing to one's boobs is a bra, so might as well have women list off the color of their bras. It's ambiguous enough that every man will be sure to comment and news carriers will pick up the story. This year, though, I felt let down. I'll give you props for the ambiguity and therefore the forced double entendres that happened. But, purses? Really? That'd be like men updating their statuses to describe where they like to keep their toolboxes in order to promote prostate cancer awareness (though my example is better because even the toolbox is a double entendre).

Maybe they just like seeing your pretty faces?

(I started writing this on Thursday, but saved it as a draft and forgot to publish it. Whoops!)

I'm Judging You: France

For those who didn't know, the ban on women wearing burquas (and other garbs that cover one's face) in France went into effect last Thursday. France claims it's a human rights issue and that women shouldn't be forced to wear them. While, yes, being forced to wear clothing that covers one's face is a big issue (and one that should be fought), a lot of these women wear the clothing as a part of their religion. So instead of making a statement on a human rights issue, France is making a statement of religious intolerance/stupidity.

Really, though, I'm beyond stumped as to how an entire country could be so naive about an issue such as this. It'd be like the Arizona laws on illegal immigration catching fire and making it through the federal government to apply to the entire United States. What's worse is that it appears from polls (not gonna comment on their bias because 1) I don't know, and 2) I don't have the data on me... but this is a blog and so that shouldn't matter... I'm spewing opinions and sarcasm left and right anyway) that around 4 out of 5 French residents approve of the ban.

I know the U.S. (deservedly) gets a lot of flak for being stupid, but at least we haven't taken governmental action to prohibit religious freedom (... yet). I'm still waiting for France to release a statement saying that they didn't think the law would be enacted so soon, and that it was supposed to go "into effect" on April Fool's Day, when they'd formally announce that they were just kidding.

When Politics Become Profound

I’m making today’s post a regular one instead of a bunch of shorts, mostly because the creative parts of my mind are consumed by all of the LGBT youth suicides, and I’m afraid to see what sorts of things I might end up attempting to publish on these here internets. At any rate, happy October!

I’m Judging You: Fake Political Activist

I noticed a sign on my drive into work this past week. I made a replica of it in Word using Comic Sans, because that actually looks like the font this person painted the sign in. The sign is on a white-washed piece of plywood with the following painted in big, black letters:

Now, my judging this person should be pretty obvious. It’s about as juvenile an ad campaign as one can get. I think it’s almost worse than those signs you see that pop up around election time that just have the candidate’s name and what they’re running for (the ones that multiply faster than rabbits and occupy every square inch of grass along any and all city roadways). Anyway, the first line of that sign is my favorite, and reminded me that my state, despite what happened last election, is still very, very red. I’m also quite sure that many voters in my area (including the maker of this sign, I bet) will be confused when they see Lawson on the ballot, but not Pelosi.